THE DINODAWGS STORY....GOOD BOYS

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 Our legend begins a long time ago. A time before buildings and man, and even before iphones and NFTs. 65 million years ago earth was made up of two giant landmasses. The northern continent was known as Laurasia, and to the south was the great Gonwana. It is here where our tale starts.   

Whilst most are aware that dinosaurs ruled the planet, practically no one knows that these ruling reptiles had pets. And like humans of today, their pets were fiercely loyal, lovable and more often than not, a little simple.   

For millions of years Dinodawgs served the Dinosaurs as their faithful companions, guarding their master’s eggs, chasing away wayward pterodactyls and gleefully urinating on prehistoric trees.   Then something unimaginable happened.  

On one starry night, apparently a Thursday, a ginormous object appeared in the sky. It hurdled toward Gonwana and BOOM the world as the Dinosaurs knew it was gone. No one quite knows why the Dinodawgs survived but they convinced themselves it had something to do with being “very good boys”.   

Without their masters, confused and afraid, the Dinodawgs became listless – spending most of their days chasing their tails and barking at sabertoothed cats. It was around this time that a young, brilliant Dawg named Rover had a “lightbulb moment”. The dinodawgs needed direction. They needed organising. They needed…leadership.   

Clutching his favourite frisbee, Rover made a stand before his compatriots. “Woof woof. Rwouf, Rwoah, woof. Rwouf whouff. Woofy.” Which translated meant “Follow me brothers and sisters! Today I throw this frisbee – bestowed to me by my master. Where it lands we shall follow, and find for all a kingdom where we are safe and free to pee on all the trees we like!”   

The dinodwags journeyed for many moons, crossing treacherous terrain, through wind, snow, blistering heat and storms. Until one day, they found the deepest, greenest jungle, where the trees could be counted in the millions. And so Rover had led his pack to the land that would become their realm. And Rover, was crowned King Rover the 1st, first monarch of the Dinodawg Kingdom. 

 Things in the Kingdom went well for a very long time. Generations came and went. With the waxing and waning of many moons, new traditions emerged and declined, their rituals fading like cooling embers on a once bright fire. The Dinodawgs lived peacefully and happily in this harmonious society…until things changed.   

Over a very long time, one by one, slowly, some newly hatched dawgs started displaying traits others had not seen before. Some of these were utterly useless, such as the ability to smell sunshine. Some were a hinderance, such as missing teeth. But others evolved traits that were highly admired, envied and sought after - such as having bright red eyes, huge teeth and even…wings.   

A divide emerged, between those that thought all Dinodawgs should be equally valued under the teachings of King Rover I, and those that thought evolved traits meant superiority, led by Baron Von Nightwing.  

The Baron had very different ideas from the teachings of Rover - which he found to be naive and idealistic. He wanted the Dinodawgs to live in a ridged, hierarchical society, with winged and evolved Dinodawgs at the top, and “lesser” Dinodawgs at the bottom, serving their masters.   

Although powerful, a group of Dinodawgs defied the Baron. Amongst these, were some of the descendants of Rover himself. These courageous dawgs gathered and formed a pack. A pack with a pact - To free the Kingdom of the Baron menace! They travelled far and wide, recruiting likeminded individuals - Whilst ensuring they were taking plenty of breaks for food and naps.  

"Better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war" 

The Dinodawg Kingdom had split. And so the great schism had begun. 

 Ah Dawgtown. The centre of the Kingdom according to most Dinos - “centre” of course being used in the most inaccurate way possible. It does in fact sit in the southwest region of the homeland. There’s nothing you can’t buy, barter for, build or pinch in Dawgtown. Its bustle and clattering can be heard for miles around. Surrounded by an imposing wall fortification, the city is roughly divided into 5 main boroughs accessible by two entry points, Saaaff Gate in the south, and the Black Gate to the north.  

 The first district sits to the west of the city. You hear “The Klank” before you see it. The main industrial borough of Dawgtown, The Klank is where Dinogineers meet with blacksmiths to trade and forge crudely made metal parts. In the middle of this district there is a deep crack in the earth flowing with molten lava known as “The Forge, or “Fire Thoat”. This has been put to good use by Dinogineers who use the well-like furnace to fill their crucibles, or just spend hours of fun "meltin' stuff".  
 

 Sitting due south two boroughs make up “Saaaff Kingdam” where most of the inhabitants of the Dawgtown reside. Saaaff Kingham’s southwest features the city’s largest district "Smokestack", a residential region consisting mainly of huts, houses and a handful of inns. To the southeast, wedged between Smokestack and The Klank is Skran.  
 

 If you ever came within 100 feet of Skran the assault on your nostrils would make immediately clear what this area’s main offering is - food. And not just any food; food from all corners of the Kingdom. Fried, poached, flambeed, sautéed or boiled, Skran has it all. Dinodawgs have relatively few tastebuds when compared to humans; this, paired with a ravenous appetite makes eating an unfussy but fulltime occupation in Dawgtown. The Dinos huge, trashcan like jaws make little work of shovelling colossal chunks of food into their gaping maws.  

 Although seemly chaotic, Skran operates like a fine watch, with each “cog” playing its part to bring sustenance to the masses. Across the wider Kingdom, smallholders grow an abundance of foodstuffs, spices and game. Cartloads of this fresh(ish) produce are procured and brought in from afar by “Grub merchants”. This is then taken to the Bonemarket where Grub traders barter on behalf of “Kaffs” (Dinodawg restaurants) with a view to securing their required ingredients. Licensed “Portas” are the only Dinodawgs permitted to move grub between the Bonemarket and Skran. Once delivered, "Kooks" brew up (often experimental) culinary creations at their Kaffs and serve generously to their customers. Little is wasted, but the population of Dawgtown eat a sufficiently large quantity of food that daily volumes of rubbish pile up nonetheless. It is then the turn of Krudporters, who gleefully sweep this wastage up and slowly compost it in huge barns outside of the city walls. The compost is then sold back to the smallholders. And so the cycle continues.  

 The East side of Dawgtown is Barterplace, known principally as the location for the Bonemarket, which we have covered previously.  

 At the northern point of the city, you find “Inky Blinky”. Despite its cheery moniker this is easily the most dubious, dangerous area in Dawgtown. Here black-market items are traded in the shadows, Dawgs without work can find questionable means of employment and “lost” items magically turn up. Traveling through the Inky Blinky after nightfall is best avoided; and yet this is also the time when some of the most interesting encounters occur. The less said about that the better.  
 

 In the centre of Dawgtowns sits the Great Citadel of Rover 1st, of “Castle Rover” as it’s known to the locals. A sight to behold, the castle watches over the city and the ebbs and flows of its populace. Her walls dwarf those of the city palisade, towering into the sky. It is the only place within Dawgtown you can clearly see beyond the capital’s borders and gaze into the far reaches of the Kingdom.